31 October (early morning)

Good morning

I’ve been at the market since 5 this morning

I got some cucumbers and onions, hhh

We have lentils bash today

[Sent attached with photos of a large pot of lentils and bread baking.]

1 November (evening)

I’m tired, wallah

A zombie

Details, details sister

We moved the kitchen into the garden

Because the gas is scarce

We need a lot of food for people

“Mouths and rabbits” [reference to well-known Egyptian film], more or less

Without rabbits

Vegetarian

With firewood

I swear

Barely enough gas for children’s milk and things like that

By the way, I found a kilo of dark coffee made just as I like it today

Imagine, I went out to buy cheese and eggs and za’atar and stuff like that

And I came home with 4 packs of “IndoMie” [Instant noodles]

The first time I ever saw it

The kids loved it

If I describe the details of a quarter of an hour of my life, you’re going to suffocate...

No, I never tried IndoMie

The kids loved it

It’s great for them

It’s as if it has cocaine in it

...

Okay, I’ll try it 

So, tomorrow I want to bring some because of their response to it and the happiness that filled the house, I have to preserve it

You want to send us Indomie?

Heh heh

I’ll leave it up to your tastes

...

No, there is no sleep

It’s not just the bombing

Because I sleep in the salon on the second floor with no windows or doors

No, no sleep

And the sounds from all sides and also the stun grenades and everything

I mean it doesn’t permit uninterrupted sleep

It's also a bit cold

The window is like a screen on Aljazeera Live

A 100-inch screen

Yeah, there’s blankets

But there are lots of people too  

...

Habibti, we don’t need to watch our news

We are the news, did you forget or what?

My window is the live news screen

Listen, the net and phone are now in turns

Like the electricity and water

Every area gets a few hours

For us it started roughly at 12 and will be cut in a little bit

They said the Egyptian line is coming

But it won’t reach here

When the internet comes everyone sends a message “roger”

At least with work colleagues

But we’re losing a lot of people

We’ve stopped asking about the wounded and houses that were lost

We ask about life

I want to send you an example:

A tragedy there’s martyrs of Muhammad's cousin under the rubble

When they get them out, there’s 9 of 27

From the work group

Husband of Mrs. MG, Im Osama

That was today from one group

One of about 9 groups

Another example: [forwarded text]

God give you strength guys

Hopefully, all of you are fine

But where can I withdraw my salary in Rafah?

Maybe some ATMs work but there’s nothing to buy, but these guys have debts to pay, poor ones 

For example, in a message look: [forwarded text]

We put our trust in Allah... He alone can protect us

May God reward your greatness, Um Abed and Dr. Fairuz and Lamia

May God accept them with the martyrs

To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return.

3 colleagues, each one has a group of martyrs in one day

Strange

Anyways

I want to walk on the Nile

I really want to, wallah

...

The last time I entered downtown [Cairo] was 2011

Okay, so they’ve covered the banks of the Nile in cement

But surely there is still some spot where the Nile is without problems

Reserve this clean spot for me

Ha ha ha

Okay, good night and I hope I sleep, please lord

Update on S’s journey since early November

As mentioned in her bio, S is a community organizer, founding member and manager of local child and youth centres in the Khan Yunis region. Based on their expertise in previous wars on Gaza, S and other staff and volunteers immediately started organizing local relief efforts; setting up soup kitchens as well as organizing shelters for some of the more than 1.5 million Gazans who have been forcibly displaced to the south. Until early December, though not spared Israel’s relentless bombing, S and her family were able to stay in their home. But once the Israeli ground invasion of Khan Yunis began they were forced to seek refuge at relatives in a “safer” area of the town -- only to be forcibly displaced once again even further to the east. Finally, in late December they had to flee the Khan Yunis area altogether, and along with the majority of Gaza’s population sought shelter in Rafah. In each round of displacement, S and her surviving network of colleagues and volunteers have simultaneously had to rebuild destroyed shelters and soup kitchens that they had set up for hundreds of other displaced families. 

11 November, morning

Sorry

I got a little sick

My body is unable to carry my soul

Do people outside know what’s happening?

23 November 

So today’s problem among problems at the shelter was due to the issue of “Cottonil” 

The shabaab washed their boxer shorts and hung them out to dry

A dispute arose over who had the brand “Cottonil” and who had other brands

There was a suggestion that I check them, but I didn’t agree

24 November, night [temporary ceasefire starts]

Say hello to everyone

Tell them I went to the sea

But really, I'm very, very busy in a strange way

Between the shelter at home and the two shelters at work, I’m gonna lose my mind

Working 24/7 under bombardment is not easy

Say hello to all

The sea was really nice

There was no smell of war there, so it was excellent

But really, today is so sad

Today I heard of so many people I knew who have died 

and heard about people who died weeks ago but were only buried today

And there’s the people I’ve still lost contact with

War is utterly shameless

30 December 2023, midday [ End of temporary ceasefire]

Merry Christmas

Life is very hard

But we’re still here

It’s almost over

Come visit us

At least, this is how we have to think to get through the day

That it’s almost over

Yallah, come

...

Before you think about bringing me some smoked herring

I need diabetes medicine

I need a pain reliever

I need something to help me sleep

Then herring

...

My diabetes was under control

But now it’s not

...

I need pills not insulin

Forxiga and Metformin

I really want to sleep

I want something to smoke

The house has been heavily battered

I was going to die 3 times

But then I didn’t

And the house is still standing

We’ll fix it

And definitely make it better

But it’s the memories of things

It doesn't matter – we’ll build better memories too

...

I swear these are difficult days

Difficult details

Sadness, loss, and pain, but we’re still here, wallah

I don't have electricity or anything

I live in the time of Hyskos

Civilization hasn’t reached us yet

I drove for an hour and a half to find a connection to the Internet 

Nothing from history [has reached us yet]

Cars are fuelled on [used] cooking oil

The smell is killing

...

Really

...

The smell of the streets is disgusting

When I got back I spent half an hour retching

Not just me

...

I just want to walk on the Nile

And drink as much water as I want

Spill it on the ground without thinking about it

Like normal

...

Take care of water

Hahahahahaha

...

I’ve forgotten how to use a shower

My nephew says before we used to just call the central operator to turn the water on

Hahahahaha

...

[dreaming about the future] 

A pool, a Turkish bath, but not tea

COFFEE

I don’t like tea

Maybe a Stella [beer]

...

And water

Lots of water

Clean water

That’s all I want

1 January 2024, midday

Happy New Year – may every year find you safe

Honestly, we are very tired

God willing, my body won’t get injured

Today we had a small live action adventure

We died a hundred times on the way and on the way back

…

When the [telecom] connection is cut off, we die a hundred times anyway

But it's not in my hands

I try to get internet access any way possible

2 January, evening

I have internet but its weak

...

I’m happy you miss me

But, it looks like the war is going to get much worse tonight 

..

Much more violent

Today, I made it into town, I found myself in places I couldn’t recognize

I got dizzy

I didn't know how to get where I was going

I was going to work

....

Work is still going on

a lot

But I'm worn out

We have a huge shelter

...

We have more than 120 families

There were more

We had another two shelters that emptied out when the tanks arrived

[The people] fled to Rafah

Now they’re in plastic tents on the streets

Horrible circumstances 

Impossible to describe

…

We’re also in Rafah now

Next to the sea

It’s deathly cold

...

I’m so tired, wallah

I try to disconnect but the place is full of people

But there’s internet here

I just want to go sleep

3 January, morning

The house [she fled to] is under direct shelling

The kitchen is almost completely destroyed

This is the area they said to go to

Good morning to you

I was at the [Rafah] border crossing gate this morning

My mobile phone switched from Jawwal [Palestine] to Vodafone [Egypt]

Hahaha

4 January, morning

Good morning

...

The night and day were looooong and heavy

...

A lot of bombing

Also, of our home [in Khan Yunis]

A lot is in ruins

But the house is standing

...

For sure we can rebuild

The important thing is that we go back

...

There’s nothing here – no electricity, internet or water... food

...

But, I mean, since the day I came here, I have been trying to find solutions

There’s water, but it is dirty and scarce

But at least there is some

And the internet is weak

No electricity

...

News in the world? We barely get news from our neighborhood.

We don’t know anything

...

I couldn’t care less  about news to be honest

I only ask about our house

Because we must go back

...

Now I’m by the sea

A walk of ten minutes or less

I’d like to take the kids, but patrol boats and battleships are everywhere

I’m scared

...

I’ll take a photo for you

Today

I have a meeting

...

✌️❤️👌👍🙏

Pray for us to get the tents today

4 - 9 January

[S did not reply to any messages with the exception of sending an emoji on the 9th]

9 January

 ✌️

21 January, morning

I’m here

...

But connectivity comes and goes – it’s really weak

Only WhatsApp works

God, I’ve been very busy

We’re opening two new shelters, with all the details that involves

I had an abscess on my leg and I went to the doctors and he had to remove it without any kind of anaesthesia

Without stitches

Without anything at all

He had me lie down on the ground and said, “I want to put some local anaesthetic and then put some alcohol on.”

Then I discovered that there was no anaesthetic.

...

He cleaned it with alcohol and iodine. 

Then he had me lie down on the ground and started working

It was excruciating

Then, after he finished, he had me do exercises for half an hour

The war is one story, and this experience, this was a whole other story

But the doctor’s work was amazing, honestly

...

A miracle. Seriously.

And the treatment was physical exercises throughout the day

To make sure it's clean

And he gave me Tramadol

...

And every day [I have] to change the dressing

Incredible doctor

I’m fine today

...

Halfway through his work, he tickled me and I thought it was harassment

Turned out to be part of the cleaning

I jumped out of my skin. That’s what my sister said – she was with me

...

The moment I jumped, everything drained out and nothing was left after that

...

My sister says hi to you to. She makes bread with spinach

21 kilos at a time

But the doctor is excellent, really

...

Ha!!!! [News the bombing will stop?]

I wish

I wish

I was just in an area near Khan Younis. There’s fire everywhere

...

Yes, yes, I left Khan Younis 

I’m in Mawasi Rafah

I’m “naziha” [displaced]

No one should “ynzah” [get displaced] with me

I don't like “al-mazah” [joking]

A bad joke

...

I'm fed up

I want to go back to living

...

Oh god, yeah, to spend the night on the banks of the Nile

...

One liter of gasoline is 170 shekels

Approximately 1400 Egyptian pounds

...

$23.50 dollars

24 January, night

Can you ask there if we can activate this sim card from Vodafone?

I have no idea whose name it’s registered in. I found it with someone.

If it’s a hassle forget about it

25 January, morning

Good morning

Take your time, no rush. 

I want to try to connect to the Internet with it -- if it works

....

It’s a regular sim

My phone is old and doesn't take just any SIM

But I want to try it because I am not far from the border.

...

So, I can try from my end using 888?

Okay

Inshallah

...

If you can [find someone who knows how to get past all the blockages], great!

It's easier if you know someone from Vodafone, of course, but when I come back from work, I’ll try.

28 January, evening

I’m tired and exhausted and fed-up with war

The whole house is sick

And there’s no medicine of any kind

It looks like an intestinal thing

🏀🏀

An hour later

One by one, we’re all getting sick

Now 7 of us are sick

This morning it was just 1

I don't know what from

But definitely it’s the war

The details don’t really matter

I visited all the clinics and pharmacies and there’s nothing available

They said to boil rice and eat it

…..

I’m tired and exhausted, and my soul left me from the war

The whole family is sick

And there’s no medicine of any kind

It looks like an intestinal infection

🏀🏀

….

Every little while the number increases by one

In the morning, it was 1 person

Now its 7

I don't know why

But definitely war

Details don't matter

I visited all the clinics and pharmacies and they have nothing

They say eat rice but it’s the most expensive

30 January, morning

Everyone is very tired, with fever and flu, and the number [of sick] keeps going up

...

I’ll take an antibiotic and a painkiller and go to work

...

If work on setting up the kitchen [at the shelter] is finished, I’ll stay at the house

I have a fever and aches and sore throat – I can’t swallow

But I'm afraid for my brother’s youngest daughter

She’s got a high fever

....

There’s been no water for 3 days now

But we made compresses

...

No, we’re out of vinegar

...

The problem is that the one strip of antibiotics we managed to find has to be passed around between us and runs out 

30 January evening

Dear God, Egypt,

give us a truce before we collapse or die

we have no energy or health left

...

God damn the international world order, what a bunch of liars

2 February, morning

The artist who did this portrait of me was martyred along with her entire family

[attachment with her portrait]

...

They were surrounded

...

I hate the word massacre, but that’s what it is

Massacred in their home

Yesterday

4 February, morning

Good morning

What’s your question?

...

If there’s a ceasefire, the first thing I’d think about? Our house

Whether it’s standing or completely destroyed

How will I enter with the children and how can I explain the damage to them – whether it’s the damage we already know about or what if it’s even worse by now

I think about it all night long

There’s a lot of damage

But it's been a month that I haven't heard any news about whether the house is even standing or not

...

Health-wise I’m feeling much better

...

Water and food are still scarce – nothing’s improved

Everyday something else is harder to find

...

For example, there was sugar, now there’s none

There was flour but now it’s difficult to get

...

And there’s no salt

No medications

No shampoo

Nothing

The pharmacy now sells cans of beans

...

5 February morning

Good morning

Yesterday, I went to sleep as soon as I came back from work, even though I brought a friend to sleep over so she could have a change of scenery

But I was cooked

We slept at 8:30 or 9:00

...

But there was bombing all night long

I slept and woke, slept and woke 

Terrible noises

They burned down one of our [Community] centres

I can’t take it any more

We built it in 2019

It was so new and beautiful

...

I’ll send you a photo

...

You’ll go mad [when you see it]

...

Listen

There’s a kind of coffee in Egypt called “Al-Tahuna”

...

I’ve forgotten the delicious taste of coffee

No, don’t ask about it for me

I just wanted to tell you it’s really good

But it's a little expensive here

200 shekels per kilo

...

I’m all mixed up by thoughts of coffee  

I’ve forgotten

Let’s see, so, 1,600 Egyptian pounds was like $50 [dollars]

But I forgot the taste of good coffee

Hahaha

...

Wow -- $50 is now 3500 Egyptian pounds?!

...

Anyway, yes, try it and tell me if you like it

...

I prefer Arabic coffee black, with nothing added

....

I want to know what the price of a kilo was in Egypt 

before October 7

But I have to go to work now

6 February, afternoon

I received a gift today...

[photo of a bag of al-Tahuna Egyptian coffee]

7 February, mid-morning

I have a terrible cold

The cold and wind from the sea day after day has destroyed me

9 February, midday

The coffee that arrived is excellent compared to what’s available here 

At least it definitely has caffeine in it and not chickpeas

...

Don’t ask how I am

Because the thing is, the whole atmosphere is apocalyptic 

everyone is affected by it

...

Damn them

Stupidity

I’m sitting here watching my city burn – live, in real time

It’s unbearable

S. has devoted the past 35 years of her life supporting community-owned initiatives creating safe spaces and opportunities for children and young people of Gaza to celebrate their creativity, realize their dreams, and contribute to the education, living culture, health, and well-being of their families and communities across generations. She asked to remain anonymous because of the growing fear that Israel targets anyone in Gaza who speaks out, along with their families.

*A version of this dispatch was published in Italian here by Pagine Esteri.